June 13, 2009

Hi,
this thing i'm doing. I feel like most of the people there are against me. The people who are above my status there that recruited me. They don't like me. I don't know what to do. I just rather be there with my friends. I feel not wanted in there anymore, it makes me feel depressed. I like alot of people there.. They have been soo kind in the beginning.
My upline i guess you can call it says if i'm not going to do enough effort I should just quit.
I really want to do this and I know i'm making excuses. But I do have school. Its my last year.. I'm like studying like crazy.. Before I didn't have alot of homework and i didn't have to study yet for exams but now I do.. I'm sorry, I know sorry isn't good enough. But I do want to do this. Its really fun.. but i guess its only fun if you have your friends there.. Of course I met people here and they are friendly, kind, generous.. I just need some of my friends here cause I feel soo alone there.. It doesn't feel right because I can feel the tension every time i'm in there. I feel like I just want to get out of there as soon as possible..
I really want to quit because of some of the people there.. they are supportive but they aren't that patient..
I will try to do my best there.. when I get out of highschool. Just watch me. I'll be more committed.

Other than that. I'm trying to find a job which is really stressing me out because I have to owe people back. Some people said that i can owe them back anytime.. but there are some where they say owe me back already. i need the money. I don't have a damn job yet. just wait. I applied online mostly everywhere where i can probably stay for a long time. It only has been almost a week since i applied.. I'm going to keep applying till someone calls me. I need this so badly..